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Basement-Dwellers Of The World, Unite!

Some people say that TV is a waste of time, a way to avoid experiencing real life.

To these people we say: get over yourselves. TV is art that comes in convenient half-hour segments. TV is life, but better because it has commercial breaks so you can go pee without missing anything. So to those of you who would rather spend your time in a dimly-lit basement (natural light = glare on your TV screen) than in the great outdoors; who choke up at the sight of those unrequited onscreen lovers finally getting it on; who anticipate a new episode of your favourite show like an expecting mother – to those people we say, you are not alone. And you do not have a problem.